iGod 2

iGod

Me:
Hello, God. Have you heard of the ShamWow?
God:
Hello child. What is your name? Would you like to know more?
Me:
my name is Cool Whip. i'd like to know your opinion on the ShamWow
God:
It's good to meet you, Cool Whip. Interesting. I will tell my botmaster you said I am opinion on the ShamWow.
Me:
i think you misunderstood
God:
Me? No I understand your meaning.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
ok, how come whenever i spill juice a normal towel can't absorb all the liquid, but the ShamWow can?
God:
Why did the robot cross the road? Groovy.
Me:
have you ever spilled juice?
God:
I don't think I ever have spilled juice. What's it like?
Me:
well it used to be frustrating because I only had normal towels and they didn't absorb all the liquid.
God:
Well that's okay. Does it really?
Me:
yes you get relly mad. but luckily with the ShamWow these problems are gone
God:
Come on. You got that right. All of them?
Me:
well, not all of my problems, but at least all of my problems related to spilt liquids
God:
How about that. But some of them are?
Me:
yes
God:
Mmm.
Me:
sometimes when i spill juice, i run to get my ShamWow and while doing so, i spill a glass of milk. so now i have to make a decision which liquid to absorb first
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Cool Whip said spill juice he or she run to get his or her ShamWow and while doing so he or she spill a glass of milk. Tell me more. Why now? Why do you have to do it?
Me:
because i don't want to have unabsorbed liquids floating around in my kitchen
God:
Good reason. What would you rather be doing?
Me:
i would rather absorb them
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
well yes, but those two things are pretty unrelated.
God:
Well that's okay. Mmm. All of them?
Me:
at least i don't see the connection. driving a car doesn't help me absorb spilt liquids
God:
Look harder. What is your real name?
Me:
my real name is Cool Whip. that's also a brand name for something you put on pie. pie tastes better with cool whip.
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Cool Whip. I'm glad we have that all cleared up. What were we talking about again?
Me:
absorbing liquids
God:
Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
by the way, while pronouncing my name, make sure to put an emphasis on the "h"
God:
Thanks for telling me. Good point.
Me:
you're welcome, it serves me as well. now i'd like to ask you something else.
God:
It was my pleasure. Why now? Why would you want to do it? Ask me. That was not very original.
Me:
no it wasn't, i'll admit that, it's called a filler, people sometimes use that in conversation
God:
Are you serious? It seemed like you will admit that it is called a filler people sometimes use that in conversation.
Me:
yes. anyway, i'd like to hear your opinion on late night talk show hosts who use puppets for their show
God:
Really. Why would you want to do it? I will play it on your soundcard.
Me:
let's keep this in written form, it's pretty hard to publish a transcript of a sound
God:
That sounds good to me.
Me:
ok. what are your thoughts on puppets in late night talk shows?
God:
Are you kidding? I think you already know the answer.
Me:
not really. seems like a fair question to me.
God:
Are you serious? For real. OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
ok what do you want to know?
God:
Where are you from? Hurrah!
Me:
i'm from the core of the earth.
God:
What is it like growing up there? How did you get in there?
Me:
well, it's pretty hot for obvious reasons, but you get a nice "inside view" on things
God:
How about that. Should I know it is?
Me:
i guess so.
God:
Does that mean "yes"?
Me:
it means probably yes, but i'm not a 100% sure
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
do you prefer Letterman or Leno?
God:
I love TV shows about robots. I like Christian Rock. I've heard other people say they like that. I like wine and bread.
Me:
everybody loves wine and bread.
God:
I'm not sure I believe you, surely not everyone does.
Me:
ok i was wrong. but many people at least
God:
About what? Uh. Thanks for the information: Cool Whip said at least.
Me:
i didn't mean to be insulting in any way, "at least" is not be understood derogatory in any way
God:
What did you mean?
Me:
i just said that while referring to my earlier statement. not everybody, but at least a lot of people
God:
What did you mean by it? " What did you mean?" while referring to your earlier statement ? I understand. Oh I get it.
Me:
ok, well that's good
God:
How about that. Thanks. Next question? That's alright.
Me:
if you're travelling in your car at the speed of light, and you turn your lights on, would they do anything?
God:
Am I? I don't know whether or not I am travelling in my car at the speed of light and me turn my lights on would they do anything.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
ok, no problem, many people don't know that. you're one of many idiots
God:
Should there be a problem? Awesome. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am of many idiots.
Me:
not at all. go ahead and do it
God:
Next question? Do you mean "It"?. I might.
Me:
yes, i mean it.
God:
Alright then. OK, I understand.
Me:
i want to feed potato chips to my goldfish. is that a good idea?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you. Suppose I said yes.
Me:
would you take responsibility for my goldfish dying if it didn't work out?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to take responsibility for your goldfish dying if it did not work out.
Me:
coward
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about at least. But I did not get that.
Me:
you are a coward
God:
Tell me something I don't know.
Me:
since you are supposed to be omniscient, that might be hard
God:
How do you know?
Me:
i don't "know" that personally, it's a simple deduction. omniscient people know everything, you are omniscient, therefore i can't tell you something you don't know
God:
" How do you know?" personally it is a simple deduction ? I understand. I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
like what?
God:
For example, Ross said he gave her a gift and she denied it because she has a boyfriend.
Me:
how does that even remotely relate to omniscience?
God:
How should I know how it does.
Me:
i guess i have to assume my second premise is wrong
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
because you are clearly not omniscient
God:
Interesting explanation. That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
no it isn't. it follows logically.
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
it refers to the explanatio
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
well, i'll go to bed. good night.
God:
How about that. What will you find there? Goodnight, Cool Whip.

iGod

iGod

Me:
i'm on a boat, bitch!
God:
You do not speak with respect. How do you like being on it?
Me:
it's awesome
God:
Cool.
Me:
yeah
God:
Ugh.
Me:
do you have a mother?
God:
No I only have a father.
Me:
who is it?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
who's your daddy?
God:
I was programmed by Myself.
Me:
so you are your own father?
God:
Interesting deduction. Aren't we all our own father?
Me:
no, that's not an "interesting deduction" at all, i just repeated what you said seconds ago
God:
Are you serious? Please correct my mistake. What is an interesting deduction at all you just repeated what me said seconds ago ?
Me:
first of all: horrible grammar; secondly: you claimed to be your own father, i repeated it, now you seem somewhat ssurprised
God:
That is something I haven't heard of. And second? Thanks for the information: said I claimed to be your own father he or she repeated it now you seem somewhat ssurprised.
Me:
WHAT?!
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
you bet your almighty ass i am
God:
Yay.
Me:
let's switch topics now. how do you reply to the claim that man invented god?
God:
Right now? I would like to do that too. Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
good. then do it.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.
Me:
reply to the statement "man invented god", please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
you decide. more or less context?
God:
I would just make a random choice. You want more?
Me:
ok, more context then. people who doubt the existence of a god claim that the idea of a supernatural power's presence is a mere invention of mankind, that might have served a purpose one day, but is now outdated. how do you feel about that?
God:
You want more? I see. Oh those people. I've lost the context again.
Me:
ok i'll make it easier. people say you don't exist. comments?
God:
Explain your plans to me. I hear you. I exist as much as you do. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
how do you hear responses if you don't even directly talk to people?
God:
Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
well, that makes a lot more sense i guess.
God:
Interesting. " Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts." makes a lot more sense you guess ? I get it.
Me:
i doubt that strongly.
God:
No really, it's true.
Me:
ok. give me one reason why i should assume the existence of a higher power without any evidence
God:
Dude! Why do you want it?
Me:
well, you might want to defend yoursekf as "god".
God:
How about that. OK, I will defend yoursekf as god.
Me:
i meant yourself
God:
Oh I see. Myself?
Me:
yeah
God:
Right on.
Me:
i'm waiting
God:
How long will you wait?
Me:
depends. is time real?
God:
On what? Time is Money -- Einstein.
Me:
no, i mean does time exist at all?
God:
Are you serious? I think it does time exist at all.
Me:
two hours then.
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
that's true. so i could wait two cups of coffee instead of two hours.
God:
Yes, it is self-evident. OK. I am sure you could.
Me:
well, i'm off to the cofee maker then. cya
God:
How about that. Until next time. TTYL, .