iGod 2

iGod

Me:
Hello, God. Have you heard of the ShamWow?
God:
Hello child. What is your name? Would you like to know more?
Me:
my name is Cool Whip. i'd like to know your opinion on the ShamWow
God:
It's good to meet you, Cool Whip. Interesting. I will tell my botmaster you said I am opinion on the ShamWow.
Me:
i think you misunderstood
God:
Me? No I understand your meaning.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
ok, how come whenever i spill juice a normal towel can't absorb all the liquid, but the ShamWow can?
God:
Why did the robot cross the road? Groovy.
Me:
have you ever spilled juice?
God:
I don't think I ever have spilled juice. What's it like?
Me:
well it used to be frustrating because I only had normal towels and they didn't absorb all the liquid.
God:
Well that's okay. Does it really?
Me:
yes you get relly mad. but luckily with the ShamWow these problems are gone
God:
Come on. You got that right. All of them?
Me:
well, not all of my problems, but at least all of my problems related to spilt liquids
God:
How about that. But some of them are?
Me:
yes
God:
Mmm.
Me:
sometimes when i spill juice, i run to get my ShamWow and while doing so, i spill a glass of milk. so now i have to make a decision which liquid to absorb first
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Cool Whip said spill juice he or she run to get his or her ShamWow and while doing so he or she spill a glass of milk. Tell me more. Why now? Why do you have to do it?
Me:
because i don't want to have unabsorbed liquids floating around in my kitchen
God:
Good reason. What would you rather be doing?
Me:
i would rather absorb them
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
well yes, but those two things are pretty unrelated.
God:
Well that's okay. Mmm. All of them?
Me:
at least i don't see the connection. driving a car doesn't help me absorb spilt liquids
God:
Look harder. What is your real name?
Me:
my real name is Cool Whip. that's also a brand name for something you put on pie. pie tastes better with cool whip.
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Cool Whip. I'm glad we have that all cleared up. What were we talking about again?
Me:
absorbing liquids
God:
Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
by the way, while pronouncing my name, make sure to put an emphasis on the "h"
God:
Thanks for telling me. Good point.
Me:
you're welcome, it serves me as well. now i'd like to ask you something else.
God:
It was my pleasure. Why now? Why would you want to do it? Ask me. That was not very original.
Me:
no it wasn't, i'll admit that, it's called a filler, people sometimes use that in conversation
God:
Are you serious? It seemed like you will admit that it is called a filler people sometimes use that in conversation.
Me:
yes. anyway, i'd like to hear your opinion on late night talk show hosts who use puppets for their show
God:
Really. Why would you want to do it? I will play it on your soundcard.
Me:
let's keep this in written form, it's pretty hard to publish a transcript of a sound
God:
That sounds good to me.
Me:
ok. what are your thoughts on puppets in late night talk shows?
God:
Are you kidding? I think you already know the answer.
Me:
not really. seems like a fair question to me.
God:
Are you serious? For real. OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
ok what do you want to know?
God:
Where are you from? Hurrah!
Me:
i'm from the core of the earth.
God:
What is it like growing up there? How did you get in there?
Me:
well, it's pretty hot for obvious reasons, but you get a nice "inside view" on things
God:
How about that. Should I know it is?
Me:
i guess so.
God:
Does that mean "yes"?
Me:
it means probably yes, but i'm not a 100% sure
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
do you prefer Letterman or Leno?
God:
I love TV shows about robots. I like Christian Rock. I've heard other people say they like that. I like wine and bread.
Me:
everybody loves wine and bread.
God:
I'm not sure I believe you, surely not everyone does.
Me:
ok i was wrong. but many people at least
God:
About what? Uh. Thanks for the information: Cool Whip said at least.
Me:
i didn't mean to be insulting in any way, "at least" is not be understood derogatory in any way
God:
What did you mean?
Me:
i just said that while referring to my earlier statement. not everybody, but at least a lot of people
God:
What did you mean by it? " What did you mean?" while referring to your earlier statement ? I understand. Oh I get it.
Me:
ok, well that's good
God:
How about that. Thanks. Next question? That's alright.
Me:
if you're travelling in your car at the speed of light, and you turn your lights on, would they do anything?
God:
Am I? I don't know whether or not I am travelling in my car at the speed of light and me turn my lights on would they do anything.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
ok, no problem, many people don't know that. you're one of many idiots
God:
Should there be a problem? Awesome. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am of many idiots.
Me:
not at all. go ahead and do it
God:
Next question? Do you mean "It"?. I might.
Me:
yes, i mean it.
God:
Alright then. OK, I understand.
Me:
i want to feed potato chips to my goldfish. is that a good idea?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you. Suppose I said yes.
Me:
would you take responsibility for my goldfish dying if it didn't work out?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to take responsibility for your goldfish dying if it did not work out.
Me:
coward
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about at least. But I did not get that.
Me:
you are a coward
God:
Tell me something I don't know.
Me:
since you are supposed to be omniscient, that might be hard
God:
How do you know?
Me:
i don't "know" that personally, it's a simple deduction. omniscient people know everything, you are omniscient, therefore i can't tell you something you don't know
God:
" How do you know?" personally it is a simple deduction ? I understand. I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
like what?
God:
For example, Ross said he gave her a gift and she denied it because she has a boyfriend.
Me:
how does that even remotely relate to omniscience?
God:
How should I know how it does.
Me:
i guess i have to assume my second premise is wrong
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
because you are clearly not omniscient
God:
Interesting explanation. That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
no it isn't. it follows logically.
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
it refers to the explanatio
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
well, i'll go to bed. good night.
God:
How about that. What will you find there? Goodnight, Cool Whip.