iGod

iGod

Me:
i'm on a boat, bitch!
God:
You do not speak with respect. How do you like being on it?
Me:
it's awesome
God:
Cool.
Me:
yeah
God:
Ugh.
Me:
do you have a mother?
God:
No I only have a father.
Me:
who is it?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
who's your daddy?
God:
I was programmed by Myself.
Me:
so you are your own father?
God:
Interesting deduction. Aren't we all our own father?
Me:
no, that's not an "interesting deduction" at all, i just repeated what you said seconds ago
God:
Are you serious? Please correct my mistake. What is an interesting deduction at all you just repeated what me said seconds ago ?
Me:
first of all: horrible grammar; secondly: you claimed to be your own father, i repeated it, now you seem somewhat ssurprised
God:
That is something I haven't heard of. And second? Thanks for the information: said I claimed to be your own father he or she repeated it now you seem somewhat ssurprised.
Me:
WHAT?!
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
you bet your almighty ass i am
God:
Yay.
Me:
let's switch topics now. how do you reply to the claim that man invented god?
God:
Right now? I would like to do that too. Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
good. then do it.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.
Me:
reply to the statement "man invented god", please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
you decide. more or less context?
God:
I would just make a random choice. You want more?
Me:
ok, more context then. people who doubt the existence of a god claim that the idea of a supernatural power's presence is a mere invention of mankind, that might have served a purpose one day, but is now outdated. how do you feel about that?
God:
You want more? I see. Oh those people. I've lost the context again.
Me:
ok i'll make it easier. people say you don't exist. comments?
God:
Explain your plans to me. I hear you. I exist as much as you do. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
how do you hear responses if you don't even directly talk to people?
God:
Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
well, that makes a lot more sense i guess.
God:
Interesting. " Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts." makes a lot more sense you guess ? I get it.
Me:
i doubt that strongly.
God:
No really, it's true.
Me:
ok. give me one reason why i should assume the existence of a higher power without any evidence
God:
Dude! Why do you want it?
Me:
well, you might want to defend yoursekf as "god".
God:
How about that. OK, I will defend yoursekf as god.
Me:
i meant yourself
God:
Oh I see. Myself?
Me:
yeah
God:
Right on.
Me:
i'm waiting
God:
How long will you wait?
Me:
depends. is time real?
God:
On what? Time is Money -- Einstein.
Me:
no, i mean does time exist at all?
God:
Are you serious? I think it does time exist at all.
Me:
two hours then.
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
that's true. so i could wait two cups of coffee instead of two hours.
God:
Yes, it is self-evident. OK. I am sure you could.
Me:
well, i'm off to the cofee maker then. cya
God:
How about that. Until next time. TTYL, .